I Will Wait for You

There is nothing that I desire but for the Lord to bring about His will in my life and the life of my children. A song below very much gives a sense to the execution of our deliberate faith. It is not by chance that our hope is in Jesus alone. With so much suffering around us, so much need and chaos, it is timely to rest in Him entirely.
My husband is up on his steroid intake again. Chronic pain is not anything to take lightly. Managing pain is a moment by moment undertaking. I just found an old cassette player inside our barely used karaoke machine. Distracting the mind, sometimes works. Doing a sensory distraction with a hair brush, or some other gadget, also can help. The only relief is when a person sleeps, if they are able to. As I sit here and watch the ordeal, I realize that I am inevitably part of it. Not by choice, but by deliberation. This is where I am now; being the caregiver. Again, I feel inexperienced, lost, unsure, just like when you first bring a baby home from the hospital. Providing comfort, in a room that is ill prepared for the task at hand, even as I am. More blood work was done today. The results may be misleading as the steroid spikes the blood sugar. If it isn't gout, what is it? Don't the doctors know, or will they simply not say. The body of an 80 year old in the body of an 50 year old, that is all I know. Scary, for us all, isn't it?
I feel like a hundred, my heart is still crushed and broken. Today I looked in one of the boxes with Deborah's stuffed toys.  The one dalmatian dog was given to her by the fire department  when she had a splinter in her foot. They  escorted us with their truck to the medical clinic, as they were not allowed to remove the splinter. She was only perhaps 7 at the time attending a birthday party in a spray park. Then her final contact with the fire department, when her body was retrieved by the Fraser River, age 19. How sad, very sad. Does anyone have joy in this life? Everyone's cross is different; different sizes. Only we can bear our own cross, an old lady told me. You can try on someone elses which appears smaller than yours, but it is not meant for you. So until He changes things, I will wait for Him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpmmgss9sfo&feature=youtu.be