Her would be 20th Birthday

Happy Birthday Deborah, we'll see you soon My Love

I don't know if I have a lot to say, except I started to clean her room a day before her would be birthday. The family was cross with me, as to how money hungry I am and why I would do this.... "it is too soon" they would say. It has been seven months no matter how we look at it. I have a short term student from Japan coming for a week, so I had to put in a desk, and such; create a shelf for their clothes in the closet and drawer. I told the family, that we are not Catholic, and her room will not be a shrine. I told the family, that it is never going to be a good time to do anything in that room, even to dust. We put our faces into her clothing, to smell her sweet fragrance and took deep breaths between our sobs.
We did have some visitors who stopped by unannounced. My house was a mess, as I earlier helped a young family find their first van. I was out driving them around till noon. After, I picked up a few groceries and by the time I arrived home, I had a big migraine. This is very unusual for me. A couple brought us pink, flowers, macaroons and a movie called "The girl on the Bicycle", a foreign film I had seen and enjoyed before. Another lady, the mom of one of Deborah's friends ministered to us spiritually, and made time out of her day to visit us.
 We had no plans for the day, except to go and take flowers to her at her graveside, so these kind gestures of distraction and kind words ministered to us. I am reminded of a lady who gave me a going away present before I had to leave a job at Surrey Memorial, dietary many years ago. It was a time when I was going through my divorce. The inscription on the clay basin reads,

"Count your flowers by their petals, not by the leaves that fall". As I photographed these beautiful pink roses we received yesterday, I couldn't help but see the fallen leaf. I am reminded not to dwell on the fallen leaf, but on the petals of Deborah's life. It is very hard. Very hard.

Thank you Bev Paetkau for this treasure you gave me so many years ago, in 1982. I have not met up with you since, but remember you as a kind, sweet, hardworking lady.