Suicide is Different-Continued

Suicide is different from other deaths.  when you lose someone, not only are you in mourning, but you feel anxious, off balance and uncertain.  Those left behind cannot direct their anger at the unfairness of a deadly disease or a random accident.  Instead we grieve for the very person who has taken our loved one's life!

We may feel abandoned and that the relationship that we had wasn't as important as we thought.  We also may feel great anger at God or a failed medical system, hospital, doctors, or other person involved.

Grief can also be more complicated when a death is sudden as there was no chance or time to say "goodbye".  Very strong emotions arise as a result of the suicide, such as intense sadness, anger, loneliness, guilt, blame and shame.

Survivors often feel guilt and we must remember that we are not to blame for what has happened.  This was not what we wanted for our loved one and we would have done anything in our power to prevent this tragic outcome.  We do not hole complete control over another human being.  This mistaken assumption of guilt is the suicide survivor's greatest  enemy.  Suicide deaths take place in hospitals and even under doctor's care.  Though we want to be able to intervene, the truth is that a determined person will wait and find a way and time to take their life,.

It is excruciatingly painful to think about what the death was like for the one lost; their emotional state and the aloneness of their death.  It is common for us left behind to have trouble sleeping, eating and being able to think of nothing else.

When we lose a loved one to a non-stigmatized disease, or an accident, it is easier to retain happy memories of them.  When we lose our loved on to a violent, needless tragic complicated death, on that is not comprehensible, we may feel disconnected or divorced from their memory.  We may be left in a state of conflict with them, and are left to resolve that conflict alone.

Usual grief reactions are intensified by a suicide death.  Survivors have been shown to exhibit elements of grieving that are less likely to be present in other bereaved people.

Survivors report more feelings of responsibility for the death, rejection and abandonment than those who have lost someone from natural causes.  Feelings of stigmatization, shame and embarrassment also set a suicide death apart.  Though it is lessening, society still attaches a stigma to suicide and it is still largely misunderstood as in mental illness or brain illnesses.

While mourners usually receive sympathy and compassion, the suicide survivor may encounter blame, judgment and/or exclusion.  This may be real or perceived.  The universal assumption that parents are responsible for their children's actions can also place parents in a situation of moral and social dilemma.


 The information provided have been partially provided through the Meyers and Carla Fines book called  "Surviving Suicide".