A Season of Reflection

We locked Tiger, the mother of Moonshine; Deborah's cat in a small laundry room. It is minus temperatures, and snowing here in Vancouver, BC. Tiger is protected from a family of racoons and the elements if we do this. The tenant, who went to Ontario for the holidays is not here to take her in at nights, so we are making the best of a bad situation. I am watching a hockey game all by myself. I am not keen of this sport, that injures so many. I watch as so many sports have become idols to many. People watch hours of sports and don't spend time with God. What is wrong with us? I feel so helpless in changing the attitude of others. I know we must change ourselves foremost. We must accept when we cannot change. One thing we cannot change is the fact that some of us are survivors of suicide. We cannot change the fact that our loved ones will never have dinner with us. We cannot change our longing to have spent more time with them, and seen them grow into adulthood, or experience parenthood. We cannot change or discard our many desires that we had for them. We cannot change the unconditional love that we still hold towards them. Many of our hopes had to die with them, and the sparkle of their life has died out permanently. We cannot engage with them, other then to visit their gravesides, and glance through the photo albums many have prepared for us before they left. We cannot even bring ourselves to read the letters they wrote before they took their lives. I could go on and on, as I'm sure you can too. Christmas time, a season of reflection and family is empty, and arduous without them. Many of us have let go and let God, only to reach out once again to the invisible, the intangible spirit that lives on.