Today was another blurr of a day. Cleaning, getting pills from the pharmacy, returning empty bottles for refund, buying milk and eggs in the drug store, depositing a cheque, and squeezing in a doctors appointment, all in time to have the car back for my husband to use it for his work.
I have been pretty quiet about a notably large lump under my armpit lately. I did not want to worry the children. I noticed pain sleeping on my shoulder, and upon investigating furthere, when pressed, my lymph nodes hurt. I always associated this 'feminine wings' under my armpit as normal, and don't look for lumps under there..Also being right hand dominant, I suppose a larger arm/shoulder is normal. So when I realized how tender it was, I got scared.. I was on a cancellation list to get the ultra sound done, and today was my official chat with the doctor. The results were back, and apparently, it is just normal lymph nodes. I was almost disappointed, as I fully had prepared my husband what to do incase of my departure. I don't know what else I am to accomplish down here on this planet. It seems pretty bleak. My doctor from South Africa, says that conditions are horrible there as well. Our government here in Canada will likely go bankrupt under Trudeau. So many things to look forward to , including a new hip if Jesus tarries. Now my hip pain has extended into my right knee, and I cannot put weight on it. So again, I'm on a cancellation list, and take pretty severe pain medication.
One good news is that our home was appraised fairly high by a realtor. There are bidding wars on favorable homes, and most are selling above asking price. Perhaps this is the time to downsize. Maybe the real estate bubble will bust any day, and we should sell as soon as possible. I am so torn. Does the Lord really expect me to have this house in show room condition with my deteriorated hips? How will I ever manage to de clutter this home when I can barely walk? If we don't move now, will we have the strength and energy to do it when we are older? Where will we move to? Where will my girls move to? This is a valley of decisions I don't want to be in right now. Can I part with this home that we love, where Deborah's memories are written all around? Do I want to live in a condo or a townhouse? I'm so troubled.
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