Fulfilling Destiny - Part 1

I was told by one of my daughters, that I'm doing so well in regards to dealing with Deborah's passing, unlike other family members. I meet with doctors, occasionally engage in walking with a group of suicide survivors at the cemetery, write my blog, and in general meet with new people who I can most relate to. I don't feel that I am doing so well. Keeping so busy is a detriment to well being also.

This Thursday, I have a 20 minute time slot to speak about Deborah in front of 12 other suicide survivors. I have asked my husband to put everything in DVD format so we can just plug it in and see the presentation on their big screen television. Honestly, I don't know how I feel about this. Firstly, how can you describe a life in 20 minutes, how can it do justice, and secondly, how can I do it in such a way as not to put more grief on my group members. One lady has already dropped out of the group, I suppose it was too difficult for her to continue. But continue I will, because we are not to grieve like others who have no faith.

I have been also told by someone immediate that what is there to say? She just finished school, her life was just beginning.  I pondered long and hard on that. Was Deborah's life meaningless? Did she or did she not fulfill her destiny? Furthermore, how does God look at this? Will I ever know the answers to these questions?

To me it is a tragic blow. No sooner she has her diploma, her drivers license, and the character to build a future with, she is gone; gone forever. I raised her to be independent, yet family oriented, street smart, intelligent. I installed into her morals, and a deep rooted faith in her soul. I equipped her in every way with the help of God and my family. Apparently, there are ten characteristics of a person who is suicidal, and we somehow missed it altogether. Her life encompassed studying, going to school, working hard, as a nanny, domestic helper, and waitress. She fulfilled my childhood requirements for my daughters.  She learned to swim, sing in a choir, play instruments, and speak languages. Along side her fluency in French, she took Spanish in high school. With our home-stay students, she communicated in Spanish as well. Her social life, and her time spent with her sisters, did not enable her to take on an interest in our domestic work at home.  However, since she did this outside of our home, I tried to patiently not get upset when she did not do any work at home, except her personal laundry, and room cleaning. Often I would tell all my girls to not engage in babysitting, too much, because then they will not want to have their own children. Yet, somehow, Deborah gravitated to the family she worked for, and became almost like their family. They even included her in trips to Sun Peak in Kamloops. The family planned a trip to Europe that Deborah was going to go on also. All this work, to save money for her schooling after high school. She was the most efficient and industrious girl I will ever know.