Christmas This Year?

A lady encouraged me today to not take Christmas away from my other three daughters, by not celebrating Jesus' birthday. I was crushed, as I honestly did not want to pull out boxes of ornaments and fake trees from the garage. We did not have Deborah at home last Christmas, (as she spent almost 4 weeks in the hospital) and having her altogether gone this year, into the heavenly realm, brings me to my knees, and not the garage. My mind is foggy with tears, and my heart is with Deborah in the heavenlies, and not here, certainly not here in Surrey.

Though she did not take her life in our home, it feels like the house has been amputated. Chopped away by a savage machine. The house feels dark and eery especially at nights. My hands are old, as I type, full of veins and swollen fingers, and a few brown spots.

 I cling to some hope of the tomorrow, no matter how harsh today is. The days are paralyzing, and methodical. Getting up is a huge effort, and our bedroom is cold above the garage. My shoulders, and hips ache if I stay in one position long, so I'm up all night adjusting my body, rotating like a shish kebob.

Today a few things happened to cheer our home. Piano started to be played by my 24 yr old. She has plans to play the songs Deborah did, (Ocean's by Hillsong),so now she has started on her own. The chords are new to her after so many years of abstinence from the keys, but oh my!  How quickly she's progressing. Twelve years of violin, and five of piano, will assist her along. The road has been paved.

Also, a lady from Abbotsford stopped by for tea. She brought bags of food including some kosher wafers, and cat food. Apparently, they had to sit through some advertisement about the great quality of this scientific cat food. Though they are not allowed pets in the apartment that they're in, they felt our three cats could benefit from this blend. Moonshine is continuing to show her dominance and scares our first cat Ava, and Tiger, the mother cat is out on our porch in a box when the weather is above zero. Moonshine, Deborah's cat is now nine months old. She still has full reign of the house, likes walking on tables and sitting on plants. We even caught her urinating in the large outdoor plant that we brought in for the winter. She has been found drinking from our toilet bowl too. But, we can and do carry on disciplining her, holding her neck down to show who is in charge. We all know who that is, it is Moonshine, Deborah's cat who still waits by the door for her after 4 months. A short visit by my friends confirmed their prayers for us, and her tears and good works were noticed, and felt with warmth.

I do hope that the former two blogs make us reflect on how perhaps the vetran's fund for mental health, may possibly reveal an opportunity to combine that fund with a National Mental Health Fund. Please let me know your thoughts.