Why Is A Suicide Death Different From All Others

In most literature on the topic, "Suicide Survivor" refers to a loved one left behind by a suicide death, not a person who has survived a suicide attempt. The term survivor is commonly applied to those who have experienced a catastrophe.  A suicide death is like being hit by a meteorite, your world exploding, leaving each survivor to circle in his or her own orbit of grief and yet strangely your world stands still at the same time.

Suicide survivors share many of the same psychological reactions as people who have experienced violent/traumatic events such as rape, war and crime victimization.  According to a recent study, suicide is the most frequent form of violent death in the world, followed by homicide and war related deaths.

Survivors are tormented by the replay of the terror and helplessness you imagine your loved one may have suffered at the time of his/her death.  You may feel "haunted" unable to stop obsessively ruminating and recounting every detail of the suicide that you remember or reconstruct.

Survivors keep searching for lost opportunities to reverse the inevitable tragic outcome and are haunted by infinite regrets that are woven into the fabric of a death by suicide.  You may feel assaulted, injured, wounded or even amputated by the suddenness of this type of death.

Suicide Why?

Survivors are consumed by the WHY of suicide.  The unrelenting question will never be fully understood or answered.  This question will completely occupy your thoughts and continually be present.  Seeking answers to your loved ones suicide is a necessary part of grief.  You may dissect the death and all of the circumstances surrounding it with the zeal of a detective.  Examine and re-examine as little or as much as you need to until you find all the answers that you are looking for.  Meet with police, doctors, mental health works, coroners, teachers from school, friends from work, family friends of your loved one and ask all the questions necessary.  It is like putting a puzzle together, each person possibly holding a valuable piece.

Unfortunately, some pieces will be lost with the death or missing, thereby preventing the whole picture from ever being completed.  You will however, have a partial picture to give you a measure of peace.

Depression (major/clinical) accounts for most suicide deaths.  It is a brain illness in which the chemicals that affect how we think, feel and behave become out of balance.  It is a state of constant,  unrelieved misery.  People who have the illness of depression often are angry and irritable.  You may feel like you had to "walk on eggshells" around them.  Sleep, appetite, sex and relationships are affected and they are unable to feel pleasure from anything.

Suicide is a complex phenomenon that emerges out of a dynamic interaction involving biological, psychological, social, cultural and spiritual factors.

-Intolerable     -emotional or physical pain
-Interminable   -life situation seems as never changing
-Inescapable   - no coping actions (tired or conceived)

• suicide is most often the result of profound pain, hopelessness and despair, which cancels or overrides any feelings of hope.

• Suicidal people are unable to feel the love, support and acceptance of friends and family, unable to share their pain with those who care and those who can help.  They frequently see life as a never-ending downward spiral.  Even if externally they seem to be doing well, internally they often feel unable to live up to their own expectations of themselves and others.

  The information provided have been partially provided through the Meyers and Carla Fines book called  "Surviving Suicide".