I certainly know that Deborah had her disappointments. I could see her emotionally be "done" at times. Actually, she had several disappointments in life, from all walks of life, family, friends and strangers. Instead of getting upset about false accusations, I believe she internalized it all. Broken promises, extremely hurtful words, disappointments, all must have come to a head. She of course wanted and strived for perfection as well, and this could never be achieved, as we all know.
She was certainly drained mentally. The alcohol she consumed, the marijuana she took, laced with who knows what, the nicotine she smoked for a short time, all played havoc on her mind. Though she was off these for many months before her death, the damage has been done. Then all these followed by the pharmaceutical drugs altered her mind. She was unable to think and feel like a healthy person. She became overwhelmed, but was unable to express these feelings to their full extent, not even to her family.
Spiritually she was not dead, but disappointed that water baptism did not completely heal her mind. Spiritually she was seeking the Lord with all her might. She highlighted chapter after chapter of the bible she has read. She carefully pointed out to me that "man was not created for woman", but the "woman for the man". She carefully, reminded me that I have a lot of learning to do in how I correctly respect my husband, and how my actions will change towards her dad if I do these adjustments. I was giggling when she wrote this scripture out to me, as I found it silly that she would focus in on this verse alone. I keep it in her album of memories now. She was right, I must change even more to please God in how I treat and honor my husband. I too know that it is better to have a word of reproof, than a thousand praises. Deborah was using what I had modeled to her by seeing an area in my life that could use improvement. Though our marriage is a co-partnership, I still could be a better wife. Deborah did NOT say in her letters that she was spiritually dead, (I had to re check her letter), only that she has to "depart" to a different place now. She did not want to stay unhappy.
Yeah, Deborah was not dead spiritually, and as you have read in my earlier blogs, she was water baptized two days before her death. She was seeking God continually. This picture is taken on her graduation, 2013 receiving her dual Dogwood Diploma (French and English) with bro Collin and sister Erica.
Physically for sure she smiled. A stunning smile it was. This to me, as an emotional comment, today, indicates a sarcasm of sorts, where our bodies simply obey a voluntary muscle in our face. People smile even when they are dying inside, or are already dead. People hide behind smiles that are not sincere or genuine. They want to assure the party watching, that everything is alright, but it isn't. Deborah mesmerized us with her smile. Her full lips and deep dimples, and perfect teeth attracted everyone she came in walking distance to. We believed all was well, she would be healed...... Nobody saw that her smile was not what it appeared to be. At some point she had died emotionally and mentally. I believe spiritually, she is alive and is in the arms of Jesus, being comforted.
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