Imperfect, but Still Loved

To all the Generation X/Boomer 2 generations  who have Millennial adults living at home, I just want to let you know I feel with you. Deborah was  Generation Z born between 1995-2012, on whom little statistics are known about except they are better on the computer then the Millennial's.
My youngest gone, often not even accounted for. Is that what a death is in the eyes of friends? I was in the presence of an 80 year old retired doctor when he got a phone call from a jewellery store asking for his long deceased wife. How do we handle awkward moments? Do we yell out loud that you offended me, or do you suffer in silence? I've been always the type of person who encouraged vocalizing everything. Do not suppress much or you will end up with ulcers, I think. If you don't see eye to eye with your spouse, have a good fight, and then make up before the sun goes down. I always thought that I have been pretty guarded, considering all that I went through. However, NOW, as a senior of 56.. I feel that I should not have to tip toe around events that daily confront, frustrate, and sometimes pleasure us.
It is hard for me to digest that I am a family of fewer members than I once was, for instance. In my mind we are still 6. Four girls and the two parents. I labored immensely to have a cohesive large family.. Now I feel dismembered.
My family doctor said the other day, that he has never met a person who did so well after hip surgery complain so much... well I told him that I am restricted from bending more than 90 degrees. I can't cross my legs, and I can't do the splits.. He said that he doesn't want me to do the splits. I must patiently, wait another month at least to adhere to the limitations my surgeon imposed on me. So generally, I am miserable  The ice and cold outside which limits my outdoor activities also are a pain in the royal butt..
Yesterday, I and my husband went to the graveside. The reef we placed on it so long ago was still there. The reefs mostly have red christmas ribbons on them in the white snow. I was just glad that nobody has taken her reef. I'm waiting for the spring time. I'm waiting for new joy, new life, a new visitation. I hope to be around cheerful happy folks.
My dear friends who treated us for their Christmas event just called me. I apologized for my moody temperament when we were there and she forgave me.. I told her I wasn't perfect.. and you know, she didn't expect me to be. I just love them so much.. I can be me.. imperfect, but still loved.