The Aftermath of Suicide

I heard from a local funeral home, that eventhough most families do not share if their loved one died of suicide, generally they have a sense if they did. Last week alone, in a single funeral home, which burries approximately 900 people a year, four families lost loved ones due to suicide. Below is a helpful list for the Aftermath of Suicide.

RESPONSIBILITY: Putting it into perspective.

I have a responsibility TO those I love...to be loving, patient, considerate, and kind,
                                                            to be loyal, respoectful and honest,
                                                            to be appreciative, encouraging, and comforting,
                                                            to share myself and care for myself; to be the best possible "Me"
But
I am not responsible FOR them...         not for their achievements, successes or triumphs,
                                                           not for their joy, gratification or fulfillment,
                                                           not for their defeats, failures or disappointments,
                                                           not for their thoughts, choices or mistakes,
                                                           ......And, most of all, not for their suicide........

For HAD I been responsible, this death would not have occured.

To assume responsibility for this death, or to place responsibility upon another, robs the one who died of their personhood and invalidates the enormity of their pain and their desperate need for relief.

THE PROCESS DEFINED:
Anger is my protest against my loss and its cause.  Anger is an effort to control that which cannot be controlled or changed.
ANGER is energy that cannot be denied, destroyed or forgotten; but energy that must be expressed lest it become a pool of hatred, resentment and bitterness within myself, depriving me of well-being, dignity, peace of mind, wholesome relationships and my hope for future happiness.. and so,
                                it must be converted into
UNDERSTANDING this death resulted from another's distorted "grief", from viewing their life situation and their ability to exist within it, with doubt, fear and hopelessness and not as it, in fact, existed. this death and its cause cannot be changed;
ACCEPTANCE          This loss is part of my life;
                                    This loss is not the whole of my life.
RECONCILLIATION My life is forever changed by this death, but is not destroyed
                                    I CAN and WILL live through and beyond this loss.
                                    I WILL and WILL live through and beyond this loss.
                                    I WILL NOT always hurt as badly as I do today.
                                    I WILL have happiness and peace of mind in my life again.
                                                         through
FORGIVENESS         Is allowing myself and others the humanness to have made mistakes, even of
                                   magnitude.  I don't have to like it!
FORGIVENESS        Is relinquishing anger, guilt and the need to fault and blame.
FORGIVENESS        Does not mean finding reasons, causes or justification for my loved one's death.
FORGIVENESS        Does not mean forgetting.  I will never forget!
FORGIVENESS        Does not mean being completely free of emotional pain, but allowing anquish and
                                  despair to transition into sorrow and regret

                                                    achieving
RESSURECTION     Living again... free of emotional bondage to the fact of suicide; free of emotional
                                  bondage to the one who died. and taking back into myself, as sustaining strenght,
                                  treasured memory of the life shared with my loved one.
@LRA 1985