What does this mean for me? I don't know.
I was given the responsibility of taking care of Daphne after Deborah passed away. And it was a job that I took seriously because...Daphne was one of the last tangible connections I would have to my sister. Clothes you outgrow and smells fade, but Daphne was always there. Daphne was part of a memory, one of many that I was afraid I'd eventually start to forget. This has been my greatest fear.
Daphne has spent the last 4 years by my side. I never complained about having to care for her after Deborah's passing because it was something I just had to do. I did it for Deborah, and I tried my best to do everything to prolong her life, in fear that she would die from a state of grief. ---I never did any research on if fish actually can get depressed, but if you know Daphne, you'd know how much of a people fish she was.
She was in great health up until March 2018, when I noticed that there was something seriously wrong. She had what is known as cloud eye, so I immediately started a course of treatment, in fear she would lose an eye. I also was fearful that she would die on what would have been on Deborah's 23rd birthday. ---I moved her into a hospital tank, a 2 gallon plastic bin and for the next 4 months, I would be doing daily water changes. I was committed to giving her a fighting chance and I thought we made it out of the woods in June. Her eye was better and she started to eat again. It was in the end of June that I started to notice that she was in trouble again. She wasn't swimming properly anymore and was having difficulty eating again.
I knew she was old, 5 years is along time for a Beta Fish, but I thought I cured her.
I did some research and self-diagnosed her with Swim Bladder Disease. If you have ever had fish before, you know how quickly the disease progresses and how terrible it is on the fish. They recommend you euthanize the fish.
I thought about it a lot.
I cried about it alot.
----But I knew I couldn't because then in a way, I'd be saying the choice that Deborah made was acceptable.
For the next 3 months until her death today, I tried to make her as comfortable as possible. I bought her some new decor to put in her hospital tank. I continued with the frequent water peramater check and kept up with the water changes. I made sure to call home regularly to make sure someone was keeping their eyes on her while I was out. I talked with fish experts to see if there was anything I could do to cure her of this disease. They could offer no solutions. I had done everything.
I knew it was only time now till I would have to say goodbye.
I am a very fearful person but I am almost always right when I feel that something bad is about to happen. And just as I feared, in the month, Deborah's death, Daphne would leave.
I know she put up a good fight, and I believe that she held out as long as possible for me, it still doesn't make this any easier.
Smells fade, and clothes grow small. The items that I held onto that were my sisters does not mean the same to me as it did 4 years ago. ----Daphne was the last pure thing I had that connected me to her.
Daphne was my companion.
Daphne can now rest in peace. I don't know if I believe that there is a place for pets in heaven but I hope that Deborah was there to greet her.
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