My Feelings

Today, I feel cheated. I miss my daughter even more in the light of knowing other families going through this. Suicide is horrible. It is horrible too for those left behind; the survivors. I am noticing some parents are medicating themselves for their sleeplessness, depression, anxiety in the aftermath. Everything is amplified. Emotions are raw. Loneliness sets in for our beloved. We still entangle ourselves in the lives of those around us; sometimes to no benefit. Sometimes it is best to leave them all alone, and just live our lives in solitude with as little ruffles in our daily lives as possible. Our loved ones seem to become short tempered, and offended for no good reasons. Striving to keep relationships going is an ever more difficult task.
We become vividly aware of the shortcomings of others. We see our dead children's friends moving on, making new friends, getting married and having children. This of course is not wrong. The clock did not stop for them. It only stopped for us. The arm handle of Big Ben came to a halt the day we lost our loved ones. No amount of grief counseling, grief sharing, or reasoning with God will change the reality of the loss. 
When I see young people with high anxiety go on stress leave from their jobs, when I see so many from very dysfunctional homes contribute so little to everyday life and society; all I can do is be dismayed. God sees their productivity rated under a different measure stick. Mentally challenged people have to be accepted for who they are. It is us stronger ones who have to gird ourselves and pull the weight of those who are weaker around us. Of course, this becomes a huge burden at times. But like the oxen, we must haul that which our weaker brother's and sister's can't do. We know, that they are too valuable to us, to loose. I will not succumb to drugs, and medication to numb my pain. (Even for menopause I have choosen to be unmedicated- who wants to swallow horse urine estrogen? I don't). I hope you will reconsider, before you take the pills that the doctors offer. Distract, distract and distract yourself is my suggestion. Ohh, and don't forget to Pray! Jesus is coming!