Thursday, March 22, 2018

Fight for improved mental health supports not over for family one year after son's suicide

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Wanda Ball always listens for signs her son is coming home.
She waits to hear the porch door open and listens for his quick steps down the stairs from his bedroom.
She still checks her phone for texts that will never come.
“It’s still at the back of your mind; It’s hard,” says Wanda.
Sixteen-year-old Kye Ball took his life at the family’s Indian Head home one year ago March 20. Kye had told friends he was going to kill himself so the police were called. Six of his friends and the RCMP got to the house at the same time, but his buddies opened Kye’s bedroom door just as he shot himself in the head with a .303-calibre rifle.
The family mourns the empty spot on the couch where Kye sat, the empty kitchen chair at every meal.
Wanda misses the smell of popcorn Kye made every day and her husband Chris misses his sidekick on hunting and fishing trips. Even the family’s pets notice the teen’s absence. The cats sit outside his bedroom meowing.
His empty bedroom has just a bed frame, bookshelf “and marks left in the ceiling from that one afternoon that changed our lives forever,” Wanda says.
Chris Ball and his wife Wanda, from Indian Head, speak about their loss since their son took his life a year ago. TROY FLEECE / Regina Leader-Post
Kye struggled with mental illness from age 13 and was in and out of Regina emergency rooms after several attempts to harm himself.
Now Wanda feels guilt his friends’ childhood innocence was destroyed that day (some have turned to drugs and alcohol to cope) and is disturbed mental health services for youths don’t appear to have improved since Kye’s death.
“Recently one of Kye’s friends was brought into the emergency ward,” Wanda says. “He threatened his life at home and was sent home six hours later. He wasn’t kept on the ward because he said that he was no longer suicidal. There’s just something not right there … Something needs to give before we lose more kids.”
A group of medical students with similar concerns will converge on the Legislative Building on Tuesday.
The Student Medical Society of Saskatchewan is calling on the provincial government to immediately strengthen community mental health supports, saying, “Given that Saskatchewan is home to one of the highest rates of youth suicide in Canada, with unacceptably long wait times for psychiatric care of up to two years, urgent action is warranted.” 
And on May 25, the Balls are organizing their second mental health and suicide awareness walk, starting at the Royal Saskatchewan Museum and ending at the Legislative Building. Those impacted by mental health issues will be speaking on the steps.
“We need a lot more support than there is,” Chris says. “We’ve got to keep going until we get it.”
After Kye died, Wanda and Chris returned to work as a way of coping, a way of keeping busy.
“Not to forget,” Wanda says. “You never forget, but as a way of trying to make this chaos we now live in somewhat normal — our new kind of normal.”
One of Kye’s friends goes fishing with Chris — an activity father and son enjoyed.
“I do appreciate these kids coming and even Facebook messages to see how we’re doing,” Chris says.
Kadince, Kye’s 14-year-old sister, has shown remarkable resilience. She’s a straight-A student and excels in air cadets.
“I know she feels that void and she really misses him because his room is right across from his, but she’s able to carry on,” Wanda says.
The couple didn’t seek professional help, but family and friends have shown tremendous support.
“We talk a lot,” Wanda says. “They’ve been very understanding. We’re also on grieving parents sites on Facebook, which has been immensely helpful … We all talk about our experiences and they all understand because they’re in the same situation.”
She’s written a story about Kye’s struggle, which will be part of the soon-to-be-published book Parenting with Eyes Wide Open by Dwayne Peace, a retired Calgary police officer who does school presentations around the world, including at Indian Head before Kye’s death.
“He helped Chris and I through Kye’s struggle before he took his life,” Wanda says. “I was able to contact him on that day and he helped me through it a little bit at that time.”
Last summer when the family was camping, Wanda wrote about Kye and found it therapeutic to put feelings to paper.
“Chris still hasn’t been able to read it,” she says. 
Wanda urges parents to take their children’s threats of suicide seriously.
‘I don’t want another parent to feel that,” she says tearfully. “That day is forever in my memory.”
Wanda Ball with one of the LifeLine cards she had made to help those dealing with mental health issues. TROY FLEECE / Regina Leader-Post
In memory of Kye, Wanda had Lifeline cards printed, which includes the Kids Help Phone number on it.
In part the card reads: “If you are in need and don’t know how to ask for help, take this card to a counselor, teach, coach, doctor, parent or friend and say: ‘I need to use my card.’ ”
More than 3,000 cards are being distributed to schools, hospitals and shelters.
“My hope is they choose life, they choose to seek out the assistance that is available to them, to not give up,” Wanda says. 
pcowan@postmedia.com 
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