What I Still Need to Do

I finally sat down, ever so tired. I won't list what I did, but what I still have to do before the wedding less then two days away. I have to iron,  prepare icing for cheesecake to put on prior to Friday set up. Tomorrow, I need to drop off the runners for the tables at the reception. We need to use blower to get all leaf residue off our driveway and sidewalk. I must wash our car; (probably take it to a car wash). I must get my nails ready for painting the day of the wedding. I have to get bathrooms ready, and kitchen cleaned. I also should get some pictures developed to give to my niece when she arrives from Florida. In the meantime I must set up the rehearsal dinner tables with all the cutlery and glasses for Friday brunch.  I like the idea of having a rehearsal brunch instead of a dinner. This way nobody is out late, and everyone can comfortably sleep before the big day.

I think I am also tired from the exhaustion of seeing Deborah's graduation picture yesterday at the auditorium at her school just before the dance presentation, "To build a Home". It was announced that she was a student there, and that she took her life. What a sad caption for hundreds of students to hear. I left after the performance about Deborah had ended. Immense emotions filled the hallway as we hugged each other.  All the dancers received a white rose from me. They were so moved, and teary eyed. They poured their souls into that dance. One young sister just curled up in the corner, shy and quiet. I believe she took it the hardest. Having had Deborah in her home many times, and now the realization that she if gone from our midst.

When I tried to share what I experienced and saw at the school performance to my girls, one commented that she simply can't even talk about her now. It hurts too much. The other girl, listened to the video made about her on you tube. The third one just keeps busy as a bee. Today I had a glass of wine to calm my nerves. Some people are dropping off wedding presents, and I must hold it together somehow. These sleepless nights are catching up with me.

I am tired of the difficulty I have in communicating with my  man who has taken more pills in his lifetime then perhaps there are stars in the sky. I do believe these pills have affected his thinking, and more. I learned yesterday for instance that many people die by mixing heroin with other substances. Mixing Oxycontin with other pills can also be hugely damaging if not lethal. I don't know what the tomorrow holds, only that God takes care of the sparrow, and He is watching me. The proof is all around me.