Isolated Lives

Today I had a rude awakening. A gentleman who is an artist in Burnaby, went in for an angeoplasty to have a look at his heart, and ended up having to go through a triple bypass surgery instead. This surgery was not planned, and though he knew his heart was weak, was not planning to spend a couple of weeks in the hospital. I met him at his apartment door, to see if I could go and buy some groceries for him, and he barely could stand on his feet as the apartment manager opened his door. Despite having three adult children, not one was "available" to come down to Vancouver for a week to tend to his needs immediately after his discharge. Some had business commitments, one was a single parent, and the other did not get time off work despite working for a strong union. I peeled and orange for him as we chatted, and put his laundry in to wash. He told me that he has learned a lot. Despite not making every convenience available to his children as they were growing up, they had a pretty privileged life. He felt that the mistake in our culture is that we live isolated lives, independent nucleus families. Even tough, we may live close to one another, which in this case is not the situation, we all run our own independent lives, and don't involve the aged into our  co-habitation.
I feel for those parents who have even less then three children. Imagine, what are the odds that someone will come to our aid?  This gentleman told his children that he has learned a lot from this experience, but none of them has asked what he learned.

I also often feel that some parents are misguided, who believe that their "A" student in grade six is going to be a whiz in high school or in university. So often, a child will take a turn, and become a shut in, or worse; depressed. It may be a simple as loosing a friend to a move, or coming down with an ailment such as diabetes, or even as simple as growing too tall in the worlds view. Almost anything can trigger depression in a person, to hinder them from fulfilling their purpose. Often I could not understand how a person who is beautiful, has a husband or wife who has a good paying job, a nice mortgage free home etc, yet they are still suffering from depression. Many of us are not equipped to help such folks and we just shake our head in disbelief at times ( I know I did before). This belief that a person is successful, and they are resilient to the pressures of life, is a false security. So, if this one child let's say is the only one you think you can rely on for your old and fragile years, think again. When even several healthy adult children don't commit to the parent during their dire need, then how will a single child serve that parent during an illness?

My friend has lost a lot of weight and won't be driving his car for 9 weeks. He has no groceries in the house, and has a pharmacy right in his kitchen counter. Life can be very hard. Community and wisdom is needed in these hours of trials. I hope we take heed, and learn from those around us, as well as help those we can.