As A Mom...

As moms we are so prone to fix what is visibly wrong. Clean house, make beds, cook dinner, dye grey hair, put band aids on, . However, when the ailment is invisible, how can we attend to such a thing? I always knew my mother was a hard case to live with, and so that must have been the primary reason for me getting married at 18, and moving out. I had no idea until my father had her assessed in the hospital after a triple coronary bypass that she was also bi polar at the age of 63,  for which she took no medication. I have no communication with my mom, she is sadly a lost soul. Interestingly, some moms have no attachment because they themselves were not loved, but that topic is for another day.

It has been 6 weeks since Deborah's suicide, and I have immersed myself, for lack of doing anything else useful,  into sponging in information. In a book called Choosing Hope, the author Ginny Dennehy reports that the statistics for teen suicide.." is considered the second leading cause of death for teens in Canada, and, in some years, the B.C. coroners' office has reported that suicide is the number one leading cause of teen mortality in the province." That means that Deborah was part of this statistic, and in fact a much rarer type of statistic, as it is much more common for a male gendered person to follow through.
Yesterday, I sat outside a "Take back Surrey -Rally 4 Change" as a result of citizens in Newton  outraged at the violent death of a 17yr old girl, Serena, by the railway tracks. People were overflowing, and could not be seated inside the building. I went to offer my condolences to the family, who was largely absent except for the grandmother. The pain is too shattering to bear. I'm glad there is a public outcry, but why are no suicides reported? We hear of only bridges closing due to a "police incident". These incidents occur almost daily on bridges such as the Pattullo, Burrard and Lions Gate bridges. As I sit writing this in the comfort of my home, I too have my heart shattered in two, waiting for a good thrust, which is weak anyways, heredity they say. Next to my heart medication, now I'm taking blood pressure pills too. My chest tightens, my baby aspirins at hand, but not so that I may live, but rather to join my beloved daughter.