I'm told that I'm supposed to
share with you,my readers, more of my feelings. It has been six
weeks now, and we all still feel shattered, like a china cup,in
millions of pieces. Well, here it is. A few days after things sunk
in, I felt humiliated, betrayed, devastated, lost, angry, and
tormented, in disbelief, only to list a few. These feelings only
kicked in a few days after the fact. Immediately after becoming aware
of what happened, we were numb with grief, stunned, in shock,
paralyzed. No words can explain the pain, we stayed up all night,
except for maybe an hour of sleep, with the police attending, along
with victim's services in still silence.
The night we discovered
Deborah missing, events escalated by each moment, each hour, with
worse and worse news. Around 9 pm I asked the family, where is
Deborah, she should be home by now? Some of my girls believe that
this was perhaps the exact timing of her jump; a mothers instinct.
She got a ride to
work in a convertible bug with a family she knew for 9 years. She
said I love you in my foyer, and when I saw them out, she said
quietly to me from the car seat, that she loved me, and I said back,
I love you. Two I love you's on the same night was a little out of
character, but I relished it.
Perhaps she finally communed
with my heart, and things were going to be better. Her
hospitalization in January, with psychosis symptoms, not yet
determined, still weighed on the back of my mind. She had since
then, totally transformed her life, no drugs, no alcohol, no
overnight parties.
We thought Deborah worked
late for the family that evening. When she wasn't home by 9 pm, and
it was dark outside, we inquired of the family and we were told she
left at 7pm, mentioning that she will be out for a long walk. We
called the police to report a missing person, and looked in nearby
parks, bus stops, and possible areas she might be in, perhaps
jogging.
Continued on another post..
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