Monday, June 25, 2018

The many faces of suicide

The many faces of suicide

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Suicide ideation can happen to anyone. Behind our public face lies exhaustive unspoken hell for some. The recent suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain highlight human fragility, the toll of relentless inner torment, despair and demons, and the wake of devastation left behind. It’s a death like none other.
Dr. Julie Cerel, licensed psychologist and president of the American Association of Suicidology.
“My research has focused on changing this idea that each suicide only impacts a handful of people. We have found that at least half of us know someone who has died by suicide, and each suicide leaves behind about 135 people who personally knew the person before their death,” says Dr. Julie Cerel, licensed psychologist and president of the American Association of Suicidology.
And because we don’t talk about these losses the way we talk about other losses, it is a painful secret in many families and communities that puts people at risk of their own depression and suicidal thoughts, especially right after heavy news coverage of suicide, and especially when it goes into detail and is a similar method as their loved one, says Cerel, professor at the University of Kentucky, College of Social Work.
The repercussions are enormous for the survivors of suicide loss. Unanswerable questions linger, so too, unspeakable sadness and self-blame too. Societal stigma heaps on more blame and judgements.
According to Cerel, anyone can have a time in their life when they are suicidal. “In a national U.S. study of youth, 17.7% of students had seriously considered suicide at least once in the past year – that means it is imperative that people feel comfortable looking out for their loved ones and friends and being able to see those who are struggling and ask them if they are suicidal.”
Author Julie Hersh
Regardless of age, gender, education or class, the tragedy of suicide is indiscriminate. Julie Hersh attempted suicide three times, including carbon monoxide poisoning. Her depression/bipolar disorder is a lifelong battle which was ultimately treated with Electroconvulsive Therapy, and she still manages with medication and healthy lifestyle choices.
When someone dies by suicide, “what this person did was not out of lack of love for you. His/her brain was stuck in a weird logic where death actually seemed like a logical act, even a moral act,” says Hersh, mental health advocate of hershfoundation.org and author of Struck by Living: From Depression to Hope. “I could not see this future in the crystal ball of my vision in August of 2001. I was wrong. Thank God I’m not very good at killing myself!”
Life will change, she stresses, and she hopes that being an example of that will give someone else hope. You have to hang around long enough to see what happens. “If I had completed my suicide, I would have missed the last 17 years of my life. During this time I’ve had some of the best experiences of my life, traveled internationally, made friends, incredible hikes, ran marathons… but best of all watched my children grow up into people I admire. They are now 22 and almost 24, working and pretty happy.
“I am not sure their lives would have been the same if I had died by suicide when they were five and seven. And, my husband, most days, still loves me. We’ll be married 28 years on August 4. Nothing is perfect, but it’s pretty damn good,” adds Hersh, of struckbyliving.com.
Hersh survives and thrives, but many don’t: Today in Canada approximately 11 people will end their lives by suicide, reports suicideprevention.ca. In addition, approximately 210 others will attempt to end their lives by suicide today.
And, according to Cerel, just like any other sudden and traumatic death, loss survivors go on with their lives. “It take a lot of time and isn’t the linear grief stage process that a lot of people expect. For many, anniversaries of the death and important days are very hard, even years later.”
Some turn to support groups, others to individual therapy. Some need medication because they slip into depression or have PTSD. “PTSD can be prevalent in loss survivors even if they do not see the suicide scene because they imagine the pain their loved one experienced,” says Cerel. Some people even have what is called post traumatic growth in which they end up making the world better in the wake of their pain like becoming a therapist, running for political office, starting a non-profit. “Post traumatic growth means people grow more than they might have without the loss.”
SHROUDED IN STIGMA
Suicide is shrouded by stigma with many believing that it’s shameful and selfish. “People who die by suicide are the opposite of selfish,” says Dr. Julie Cerel. Many truly believe they are helping their loved ones by dying because they feel like they are such a burden on them. “Suicidal thinking clouds people’s judgement and lies to them. It tells them that they are not loved and they will not be missed. As each suicide leaves about 135 people behind, a third of whom are probably close, this is the furthest from the truth.”
TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE
It’s a very uncomfortable topic to broach with someone you suspect may be thinking of suicide. What’s the best approach?
Practice the conversation. Get them in a private place so you aren’t making it more uncomfortable and then just ask, says Dr. Julie Cerel. “Tell them how you feel—you are worried about them and concerned they are thinking about suicide. Don’t be afraid to use the word suicide. If they had cancer, you would ask, so don’t make suicide different.”
THE IMPACT OF DEPRESSION
Depression is infectious: A 20-year study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry reports that children of depressed parents are three times more likely to suffer from anxiety disorders, major depression and substance abuse by their 30s. And it’s not necessarily biological – just living with a depressed person can have a profound effect on family members.
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No one is immune to suicide.

No one is immune to suicide. But there is hope


By Faith Karimi, CNN
Updated 8:18 PM ET, Sun June 24, 2018






























































The recent deaths of CNN celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain and fashion designer Kate Spade are the latest reminder that suicide is a complex and growing crisis in the United States, where such deaths have gone up over 25% in the past two decades.
Talking and sharing are key to suicide prevention
Talking and sharing are key to suicide prevention
"I lost my brother Carter to it. Glenn Close nearly lost her sister, Jessie. She got treatment, and both are here with us tonight," Cooper said. "So is David Axelrod, whose father died by suicide, and Karl Rove, whose mother did. And Zak Williams, who lost his father, actor and comedian Robin Williams."
Axelrod is a former senior adviser to President Barack Obama while Rove served in the same role in President George W. Bush's administration.
"In one way or another, everyone here tonight in this audience and with me on stage has been touched by suicide, myself included," Cooper said.

Words matter

Actress Glenn Close described the jarring moment her sister, Jessie Close, opened up about having suicidal thoughts.
"She said, 'I need help. I can't stop thinking about killing myself.' And I was taken aback," Close said.
Close offered to help her and did, but said when she looks back, she realizes she never followed up to see if more support was needed.
The words to say -- and not to say -- about suicide
The words to say -- and not to say -- about suicide
While it's important to offer our help to someone having suicidal thoughts, it's also important to constantly check in and ask how they are doing, said the actress.
And it can't be a one-time conversation, even if they say they're OK, Glenn Close said.
Zak Williams reiterated that it's crucial to reach out to people who are struggling and love them unconditionally.
Jessie Close said when she asked her sister for help, a voice in her head was repeatedly saying, "Kill yourself, kill yourself." She urged those having suicidal thoughts that it's their responsibility to ask for help.

'My actions were different'

Former Navy SEAL Jimmy Hatch said his military friends saved him when he no longer wanted to live.
Hatch felt lost after an injury in Afghanistan ended his military career, and was going though a "transitional period," he said. His military friends intervened when his wife ran out of options, and took him to a mental hospital.
"I wasn't really crying out. My words were great, but my actions were different. And those guys who had been near me in gunfights and things like that, spent a lot of time with me in the past, they realized that in spite of my words, I was not well," he said. "And they came and injected themselves into my life."

Loved ones question why

Axelrod was in college when he heard that his father had killed himself. His father was a psychologist who'd helped countless of other people with suicidal thoughts.
Asking for help
The suicide rate in the United States has seen sharp increases in recent years. Studies have shown that the risk of suicide declines sharply when people call the national suicide hotline: 1-800-273-TALK.
There is also a crisis text line. For crisis support in Spanish, call 1-888-628-9454.
The lines are staffed by a mix of paid professionals and unpaid volunteers trained in crisis and suicide intervention. The confidential environment, the 24-hour accessibility, a caller's ability to hang up at any time and the person-centered care have helped its success, advocates say.

The International Association for Suicide Prevention and Befrienders Worldwide also provide contact information for crisis centers around the world.
"It was so heartbreaking to think that he could do that for others, but he didn't -- he couldn't -- reach out for himself. And I ask myself all the time, 'Why?'" he said.
Dr. Christine Moutier, chief medical officer for American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, said it's normal for survivors to ask questions about what signs they missed or what they could have done.
Rove, whose mother died by suicide, wondered if there was anything he could have done to stop her death. At the time, his mother was going through a dark period, but she sounded like she was getting better, he said.
When it comes to suicide of a loved one, it's easy to get stuck on how their life ended, instead of how they lived, Cooper said.
"My brother died by suicide nearly 30 years ago, and still not a day goes by when I do not find myself thinking about what happened and asking, "why?" he said.

'It's an illness'

Having suicidal thoughts should not be considered a stigma. It's an illness that a doctor can fix if caught on time, Axelrod said.
"For 30 years after my father's death, I never talked about it ... I didn't talk about it because I was impacted by the sense of stigma that somehow this was a blight on his character," he said.
After losing son to suicide, she considered it too

After losing son to suicide, she considered it too 01:32
The stigma goes beyond the issue of deaths by suicide.
Jane Clementi's son, Tyler, had recently come out and was a target of cyberbullying when he died by suicide in 2010.
"Gay youth are also more likely to be bullied. And of course not all bullying situations end in the terrible circumstances that Tyler's did -- but they still suffer great consequences," Clementi said.
Some of the bullying, she said, is a result of the stigma against gay people.
"I think if we could stop teaching that ... being gay is a sin, I believe that most of the LGBT youth suicides would decrease or maybe even disappear," she said.

Survivors speak out

Eleven years have passed since Jordan Burnham nearly died by suicide when he was 18.
At the time, Burnham said, he was ashamed to share with loved ones that he did not feel like himself.
Linkin Park singer's wife reflects on day he died

Linkin Park singer's wife reflects on day he died 01:18
"There wasn't an open culture when it comes to talking about when we're struggling and our mental health issues," he said.
He's seen how the conversation has slowly changed around the issue.
"There's a difference in the way students are talking about this, and being open and honest I think is incredible," he said.
Another survivor, Dese'Rae Stage, collects stories and portraits of suicide attempt survivors like her to help reduce the prejudice and discrimination.
"I wanted to show that we are people, we're just like everyone else, we come from different cultures, different backgrounds, social economic status, age range, gender presentation, sexual orientation," Stage said. "That suicide doesn't discriminate, essentially."
If you or someone you know needs help, call the national suicide hotline: 1-800-273-TALK. For more resources, visit CNN.com/FindingHope.
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