Monday, June 25, 2018

The many faces of suicide

The many faces of suicide

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Suicide ideation can happen to anyone. Behind our public face lies exhaustive unspoken hell for some. The recent suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain highlight human fragility, the toll of relentless inner torment, despair and demons, and the wake of devastation left behind. It’s a death like none other.
Dr. Julie Cerel, licensed psychologist and president of the American Association of Suicidology.
“My research has focused on changing this idea that each suicide only impacts a handful of people. We have found that at least half of us know someone who has died by suicide, and each suicide leaves behind about 135 people who personally knew the person before their death,” says Dr. Julie Cerel, licensed psychologist and president of the American Association of Suicidology.
And because we don’t talk about these losses the way we talk about other losses, it is a painful secret in many families and communities that puts people at risk of their own depression and suicidal thoughts, especially right after heavy news coverage of suicide, and especially when it goes into detail and is a similar method as their loved one, says Cerel, professor at the University of Kentucky, College of Social Work.
The repercussions are enormous for the survivors of suicide loss. Unanswerable questions linger, so too, unspeakable sadness and self-blame too. Societal stigma heaps on more blame and judgements.
According to Cerel, anyone can have a time in their life when they are suicidal. “In a national U.S. study of youth, 17.7% of students had seriously considered suicide at least once in the past year – that means it is imperative that people feel comfortable looking out for their loved ones and friends and being able to see those who are struggling and ask them if they are suicidal.”
Author Julie Hersh
Regardless of age, gender, education or class, the tragedy of suicide is indiscriminate. Julie Hersh attempted suicide three times, including carbon monoxide poisoning. Her depression/bipolar disorder is a lifelong battle which was ultimately treated with Electroconvulsive Therapy, and she still manages with medication and healthy lifestyle choices.
When someone dies by suicide, “what this person did was not out of lack of love for you. His/her brain was stuck in a weird logic where death actually seemed like a logical act, even a moral act,” says Hersh, mental health advocate of hershfoundation.org and author of Struck by Living: From Depression to Hope. “I could not see this future in the crystal ball of my vision in August of 2001. I was wrong. Thank God I’m not very good at killing myself!”
Life will change, she stresses, and she hopes that being an example of that will give someone else hope. You have to hang around long enough to see what happens. “If I had completed my suicide, I would have missed the last 17 years of my life. During this time I’ve had some of the best experiences of my life, traveled internationally, made friends, incredible hikes, ran marathons… but best of all watched my children grow up into people I admire. They are now 22 and almost 24, working and pretty happy.
“I am not sure their lives would have been the same if I had died by suicide when they were five and seven. And, my husband, most days, still loves me. We’ll be married 28 years on August 4. Nothing is perfect, but it’s pretty damn good,” adds Hersh, of struckbyliving.com.
Hersh survives and thrives, but many don’t: Today in Canada approximately 11 people will end their lives by suicide, reports suicideprevention.ca. In addition, approximately 210 others will attempt to end their lives by suicide today.
And, according to Cerel, just like any other sudden and traumatic death, loss survivors go on with their lives. “It take a lot of time and isn’t the linear grief stage process that a lot of people expect. For many, anniversaries of the death and important days are very hard, even years later.”
Some turn to support groups, others to individual therapy. Some need medication because they slip into depression or have PTSD. “PTSD can be prevalent in loss survivors even if they do not see the suicide scene because they imagine the pain their loved one experienced,” says Cerel. Some people even have what is called post traumatic growth in which they end up making the world better in the wake of their pain like becoming a therapist, running for political office, starting a non-profit. “Post traumatic growth means people grow more than they might have without the loss.”
SHROUDED IN STIGMA
Suicide is shrouded by stigma with many believing that it’s shameful and selfish. “People who die by suicide are the opposite of selfish,” says Dr. Julie Cerel. Many truly believe they are helping their loved ones by dying because they feel like they are such a burden on them. “Suicidal thinking clouds people’s judgement and lies to them. It tells them that they are not loved and they will not be missed. As each suicide leaves about 135 people behind, a third of whom are probably close, this is the furthest from the truth.”
TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE
It’s a very uncomfortable topic to broach with someone you suspect may be thinking of suicide. What’s the best approach?
Practice the conversation. Get them in a private place so you aren’t making it more uncomfortable and then just ask, says Dr. Julie Cerel. “Tell them how you feel—you are worried about them and concerned they are thinking about suicide. Don’t be afraid to use the word suicide. If they had cancer, you would ask, so don’t make suicide different.”
THE IMPACT OF DEPRESSION
Depression is infectious: A 20-year study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry reports that children of depressed parents are three times more likely to suffer from anxiety disorders, major depression and substance abuse by their 30s. And it’s not necessarily biological – just living with a depressed person can have a profound effect on family members.
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