Here we are just a few days before Christmas. I am sure you are mostly busy, yet reflective. I was at the graveside yesterday, and took a bouquet of Christmas flowers and cuttings given to me by my daughter Erica. I decided to put it on her sisters graveyard. This happened after I had a nice luncheon with the suicide support walking group ladies. It was good to see the facilitator there and all the moms and spouses who have lost loved ones to suicide. I was late getting there, but had a box of shortbread cookies in my hands to share with them. Fish and chips hit the spot. Afterwards a lady ddrove me home and I showed her my new place. She had a few minutes to look around my downsized townhouse close to her abode. I still had no curtains up; after two months. I tend to look at the unfinished, even as I look at my life I am unfinished, still needing finishing. I trust God will do the work and make me into that diamond he wants me to be. Later, at the funeral home I placed two small paper ornaments on the mega tree in the hallway. The tree was full of names of loved ones who have all gone before us. I wrote Deborah on my card, I wrote it will be our sixth Christmas without you!! We love you. How is it possible, that this will be the sixth Christmas without her?? She died in August of 2014.
The sorrow still grips my heart. As I prepare the turkey dinner for the rest of the family, I will think on how it could have been with her here as well. She liked to help out. I'm sure she'd be mixing and tasting the mashed potatoes, and setting the table. I will keep glancing at her photo on our fridge. My pain in my hip that needs surgery will take away my focus of my grief hour by hour, and the fact that one daughter is with her boyfriends family far away will also fill a void. However, we must make the best of it all. I will try to go along with the flow and remember the Reason for the Season is our Lord coming in the flesh to dwell among men; us little ants. I think if we take our focus off of ourselves we will be alright to a working degree. I almost forgot the second paper ornament I hung on the tree was that of a friends name who left us at age 60 very suddenly. We do have an army of loved ones waiting for us on the other side. Be kind to one another and look up for our redemption is near. I love you all. Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Years to you and yours.
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