Torn Up

I am torn up inside, when people say I do not understand depression. I have a more vivid understanding since my daughter took her life almost 4 years ago, but will I ever know exactly what it is like?? Probably not. As for that matter, I don't think that I have to, as a human being because if we are part of the treatment/solution to anxiety and depression then maybe we are not necessarily called to understanding it fully. We can be a constant for these dear people, but we cannot let it consume us because we have to self care ourselves if we want to be good and functional for others.

My friend told me from Hungary the other day, that since it is thrown in my face, that 'I don't understand depression", then I can ask back the question do you understand what I'm going through???Can you be in my shoes?? The answer is probably a resounding No.
Who can feel with the heart of a young immigrant girl, brought over by her parents, ripped from all family, heritage and all? Who can empathize with my lack of affection I received from my bi-polar mom (discovered her condition by my dad testing her in a hospital in her 60's). Who can empathize with me being abandoned after 2 years of marriage to my Hungarian husband, because his Harley, and pit bulls were more important? Who can empathize with being single for 5 years; but hating the thought of nobody beside me. Who Can empathize with my family disowning me for becoming a Christian at age 22? Who can empathize with me raising 4 daughters along the side of a disabled man with chronic pain? Who can empathize with me in having born all the teen rebellion these girls presented daily? Who can empathize with all the slander, hatred, and indifference often displayed and plattered to me by my children who blames a mother for mostly everything??
Who can empathize with a mother who lost a daughter at age 19 to suicide? and I can go on and on.. The fact is nobody can. Each one of us has to bear our own crosses.
Eventhough this seems harsh, cruel, and insensitive, life carries on, and I will not give up, or bow to my children. After all, it is I who bore them, and not the other way around.