My mind is ready to blow. A generator nearby has been used to pressure wash all day. I woke during the night for many honk horns, more generator sounds, and bad dreams. I also took my heart medication quiet late in the day, and had to visit the bathroom multiple times from my water pill. I was glad yesterday when I visited Deborah's grave that there was a lovely yellow glass butterfly by her name. Someone had visited her grave. She is asleep, soon to wake up; the Blessed Dead rise first the bible says. This likely will happen this September! No more going to the graveside! No more sense of fear, hopelessness, sickness, duality of spirit. I will no longer have the torment of choosing righteousness over evil. I will be one with Christ, on the day He takes me home in the rapture.
I feel lonely as a mom, and have been advised to pray in tongues. I have a hard time co existing in a loveless world. There are no more how are you's? Can I give you a hug? or a tender cheek kiss from a child, or even a husband. There are no phone calls from friends; there are no letters in the mailbox. My source of love has to be God alone. Leaning on others will only disappoint don't you think? What I assumed as the norm, sharing, laughing, working things out projects together, community engagement has become a serve yourself only bar. Kind of like a pot luck (pot bless) dinner of sorts. Supply all your needs to yourself, alone. No matter what falls on me this month, I will continue to look up. The devil has been throwing so many things on me.. things I will share later with you my readers. No mattter; I will look up.
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