I have been invited by my daughter to her Convocation Ceremony, as she receives her Diploma for Registered Nursing. I told her I'll be wearing high heels so I can see her better. I am average height and apparently, shrunk over the years. I am the shortest in the family. I feel very tired, from basically doing not much. We changed our bed sheets, made the bed in Deborah's room for guests, if needed, and washed a bunch of dishes and pots. My hands still hurt from pressure washing the other day, and I will have to wait before I can continue. I will buy some good soap from Canadian Tire, to help lift the moss, and dirt off the sidewalks.
Partly, I am down because Deborah will again not be here for Mother's day. There is a dove release event at the cemetery, if I want to go, but I'm not sure if it would lift my spirits up, or pull me even farther down. I recently met a mother in our support group whose son was shot as he was approaching his car. The boy was just 20 yrs old, and likely in a gang of sorts. He may have had some bi-polar symptoms like my daughter Deborah, but as parents we are too naive to know or believe that it is something other than just pure teen rebellion. This woman's son, died only 5 weeks ago. She is still shaking, and is in disbelief. Reading books helps, and so does the support group. As with many, guilt is at the forefront of her feelings. What if I could of gotten help in time for him/her??Things would be different.
I also miss my mom. Mother's day is this Sunday. I called her, but she was able to formulate very little. She said that we are all she has, and she has hope that we will all be together again. We recited the Lord's Prayer together, and eventually she asked to go. I don't know why she asks to go, because her days in a wheelchair are uneventful. I think just the sheer volume of words I speak are too much for her. She is used to having nobody talk to her. I am sad that I am so far from her.
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